i can’t believe it’s been almost a year since my last post. i guess it’s descriptive of where my life went once i picked up another beer. if you’re contemplating relapse or thinking you want one more, take it from me; and don’t. it’s way too difficult to get back to sobriety. i wish i never had relapsed. now it is what it is. i’m resigning to the truth that this is just who i am. i can’t change.  prayers you all stay on the narrow road. XO

45 thoughts on “change

  1. The Lord’s Mercy knows no limits. Thanks be to God when we open our hearts to receive it. Welcome back!

  2. Welcome Back! How long were you sober before the relapse? Did you have to go into treatment? How has your Catholic faith helped you?
    I’ve been sober for 26 years…it sure has been a journey. I may not have picked up but there have been times when the disease has flared up in other ways.

    • thank you! no treatment. my Faith is at the center of who I am, although a big-time sinner, our Catholic Faith reminds me there is always a chance at transformation as long as I believe and surrender and accept the grace offered me.

  3. I feel your pain, don’t give up on yourself, God hasn’t. You are who God made you to be not who you have decided to be. Did you know that Saint Monica had a drinking problem? She went on to influence many once she loved forward and into Gods light. Praying for her intercession in your life.

    • Love saint Monica and yes! I did know! I thought about her yesterday on Mother’s Day as it was her ORAYERS that influenced Saint Augustine to change. I need to read more of Saint Augustine. If he can change then I can too?

      • It’s less about change and more about letting God transform you 🙂 St. Monica even converted her mother in law, I am working on that. I will intercede to her on your behalf. Hugs

        • you are so right. i know this logically— that i need to let God transform me. i can’t do it myself, i have to surrender and let it be done to me according to His will.

  4. I know you live nearby, I am in Suwanee. Let me know if you would like to go to a mtg. Praying for you.

    Julie O 770-490-3823


  5. Thank you for this, because I know I will always need to hear these stories. I’ve yet to hear the one that says, “I went back and I was ok.” I hope you are ok. I’m praying for you.

  6. I’ve got no advice. I am an addict too, but not to alcohol and it literally sucks the life right out of me. Just to let you know you are not alone in this struggle. I can’t remember how I first came across your page, but I do recall relating so well to you. Please God we both find the grace to put the temptations and guilt and all that comes with addiction behind us so we can live the best version of our lives as God intended us to. Thinking of you. Karen (in Australia) xxx

  7. Since you last posted my brother died from his alcoholism. But the grace of God, I am still sober. It is life or death. Choose life.

  8. I too, need to hear stories like yours. I have been sober 15 years this past March. The people who relapse and go back out there, all say the same thing. It cannot be done. Every morning I ask God to help me to stay sober for the day and I thank him at night. I also thank Him for my sobriety. It certainly is a gift. I once went to a meeting where someone said, “Every chapter in the Big Book mentions God.” I have come to realize that if I don’t have God, I’m not going to stay sober. It’s that simple. Not easy, but simple. KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid. God Bless and I am sending prayers your way.

  9. I am sorry you are struggling. I pray for you. Your post saved me from picking up so it was worth it. All my best

  10. Hi Number 9, I love your posts. I´ve missed them. Nobody asks for this crazy, complicated disease. God is on your side. Never forget that, no matter what. Love, Number 4. xoxo

  11. PS: Don´t forget. You quit for 4 years and you were so happy! You are making so many amazing changes in your life. Yes, it´s difficult, very difficult, but you are doing it! Your Guardian Angels are watching over you. Let Go, Let God. Amen.

  12. And, God is always with you. The devil is trying to win, but God is infinity times more powerful! Focus on God.

  13. I’m glad to see you post. Posting is a change, so there’s that. Reaching out is a change, so there’s that, too. Sending love and support.

  14. Hi! I’ve missed your posts and have wondered if you were ok. I’ve relapsed too, a few times, but I always climb back on. Today is day 26 of my latest (and I pray it’s the last) try. Jump on the wagon with me. Together we can do this!

  15. Thank you so much for your honesty, I really needed to hear this. I kept relapsing with my addiction to pornography, but by the grace of God I found a really good Catholic therapist nearby who follows the school of therapy by the late great Catholic psychiatrist and holocast survivor Dr. Conrad Baars. This type of therapy has been one of the most revolutionary discoveries of my life. I was very skeptical, but it has really worked great for me. I found my therapist on . I am learning a Thomistic understanding of the human person, and this has been truly liberating. and the therapy is in full accord with the Magesterium of the Catholic Church. If you’d like to know more, I’d be glad to let you know. Again, thank you for your rigorous honesty!

  16. So GREAT to see you post. Sending Light and Love your way. As for me, even with 12 years sober, I still have moments when I need to remind myself that, “I hate drinking.” If I remember nothing else today, I must remember this. ♥

  17. Coming back to blogging is another positive change. Sometimes I think the only way we can learn from our mistakes is to repeat them a few times. After all, there was only one perfect human. 🙂

  18. Thats my biggest fear of relapsing is that you get beaten down so badly that its almost impossible to get up and I guess the biggest question is how many times will u be able to get up before you say “its enough and i am done trying”

  19. Missed you on here! Thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. Will have 4 years in August and you were one of the very first bloggers I came across who inspired me. Surrender and He will carry you when you can’t walk. Hugs!

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