Phew! My spiritual breakthrough finally! I had been angry at God for about two weeks! Or maybe, no, it was just a week; but it felt like two weeks.
After I took DUI school I thought I would get a hardship license; so I was sort of riding on that hope. When it didn’t happen–they wouldn’t grant me a hardship license– I crashed and spent the next week being so mad at God! Isn’t that funny I’m mad at Him for all this? I blame him for my relapse last April (I had had 6 months sober then and thought it would last forever) and felt the DUI was more than I could handle. And didn’t God say He would never give us more than we could handle?
Meanwhile He is sending ALL these people to help me! Mom, Andraya, Sally, my new sponsor Patricia! They drive me places, give me support and love — And I just keep thumbing my nose at Him being ungrateful in my heart for my lot in life, poor me. But Wednesday, after my Mom left, I was supposed to work all afternoon designing ads and invoicing. Instead I happened to pick up a book we got at Church free at Christmas that I’d never opened: Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic. It was written in simple enough language to penetrate even my hard heart.
After reading about having a daily scheduled routine of prayer/quiet time with God, I realized I had stopped doing that. And then reading about intentionality and continual improvement making small steps to God, and then reading about how God just waits for us to turn back to Him… my heart softened; and I put the book down and prayed…told God how SORRY I was for being such an ungrateful little brat, acknowledging finally all the blessings in my life and begged His forgiveness.
Just then His peace and warmth came back over me and He was back!!!!! And my whole attitude that I’ve had for the past week vanished, and I could start over with a clean slate and the Love of my Creator!
He was there the whole time just waiting for my return, with a ring and a robe and a party!!!