Today, I got nothin.
So, what to do, what to do? I suppose I’ll go back to the basics: gratitude, praise and then petition, then my memorized Catholic prayers, mainly my Marian prayers.
Okay, gratitude first: thank you for my sobriety. Sometimes I get jealous that other people can drink and I can’t. And they don’t even love it as much as I do! It doesn’t seem very fair? But thank you for it. You never promised me fair. You promised me peace.
Thank you for my precious boys!!
Ben hit a home run Friday night, got his arse kicked in tennis Saturday, and then played with cousins on Sunday—the life of being a child! Ups, downs, fun—none of it is taken too seriously. I got an email from on of Ben’s baseball coaches from five years ago, saying he ran into him at the ballpark this weekend and wanted to compliment us on what a handsome, respectful, good boy we are raising. Proud Mama Bear.
And my Brian, my baby! He’s so conscientious, judicious. My little attorney. He’ll win an argument with Ben even if he is completely wrong simply because he’s stubborn and Ben gives up in exasperation. He gets that from his Dad—Husband never loses. Even if he loses, he wins. It’s funny! Seeing this in my son makes me look more favorably on this in Husband—I understand it better. The boys got their report cards and Brian missed straight A’s by 1 percentage point in Math. An 89. He was annoyed with himself but vowed to do better this fourth quarter. School comes easily to him. Proud Mama Bear.
Ok, God, that was my gratitude. Now, praise.
I forget to praise you! Gratitude could sort of be the same thing as praise right? Well, actually no, because in my gratitude I’m thanking you for gifts and grace you’ve given me. It’s still all about me. And praise is all about you! Ok. Praise. Here goes.
Dear God, you are HUGE. I’m in awe of how you are everywhere and with every one in every moment. I love that your greatness is beyond my understanding, beyond puny human understanding–we humans think we’re so smart. You must laugh about that, knowing how much you know and how little we know. I’m thinking you laugh a lot. And it’s holy week this week so I can’t help but focus and think about how nice that was of you to come down here and live among us, show us how to live according to your will which is the only path to happiness. Service, sacrifice, mercy, love, justice. And dying like that on the cross—OUCH! None of those fake Greek gods or other “goddesses” and deities of other religions would have done that. You are simply remarkable and I love you so much!
Petition. Okay, what am I asking you for? Of course, the health and happiness of Husband, the boys, my parents, my husband’s parents, my siblings and their families and my friends. I also ask for health for the alcoholics and addicts that have reached out privately to me this week after that one post went viral—the ones who asked my advice and asked for prayers. Please help them get sobriety. It’s so hard. Do your miracles on them, please. Husband’s biological 95 year old grandmother and his biological mother need your prayers—touch their hearts and heal their aches and pains, please.
Prayer. First, the Hail Mary. This is my centering prayer–in the East it would be called my “mantra” because I recite the Hail Mary over and over in my head when ever I find myself in need of self-soothing:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
And one of my most favorites—the one my brain immediately goes to in any crisis: The Memorare
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Have a great day, God! Today, direct my thinking and my actions so that I may be of service to others!