Here we go again with our 7 Quick Takes Friday hosted by Jennifer Fulwiler over at Conversion Diary. We reciprocate links to her blog and then post 7 “quick-takes” on our blogs.
I do NOT miss these seven things, now that I am sober:
I do not miss: 1. Missing Mass because we didn’t get our act together to go in the morning. And I would be drinking by the afternoon so I couldn’t go to evening Mass. Nine times out of ten we would go in the morning. But if we didn’t for some reason, then I chose alcohol over God.
“How high a price we pay for the burden of habit! I am fitted for life here where I do not want to be, I want to live there but am unfit for it, and on both counts I am miserable.” Augustine of Hippo, Confessions
I do not miss: 2. Begging God to please help me stop, take over my will, give me a miracle, make me stop drinking for good please. I remember yelling at God telling him free will was a stupid idea!
“For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” Romans 7:15
I do not miss: 3. Not remembering a great evening because I had had too much to drink. I especially ruined date nights with Husband. The night would start out wonderfully, with sushi and Chardonnay. Then, inevitably I’d want to have more wine. Perhaps we’d skip the movie and instead “hang out and drink.” That’s when the best conversations happen, right? We were bonding, sharing out feelings. Right. By the end of the night, I’d most likely said things and behaved in ways I wasn’t proud of.
Ah! Those who rise early in the morning in pursuit of strong drink, lingering late inflamed by wine, banqueting on wine with harp and lyre, timbrel and flute, but the deed of the LORD they do not regard, the work of his hands they do not see! Isaiah 5:11-12
I do not miss: 4. Hangovers. Working from home gave me the opportunity to be hungover and still get my work done–I could be miserable with a headache and lay in bed with my laptop and my Advil. Forcing myself to get up early to get the kids off to school, fed and with their lunches was such a chore. And then as soon as they were out the door, I’d head back to bed for more uselessness.
1809 Temperance is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will’s mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honorable. The temperate person directs the sensitive appetites toward what is good and maintains a healthy discretion. Catechism of the Catholic Church
I do not miss: 5. my children’s worried faces. I’d pick the little darlings up from school and they’d be excitedly sharing their day with me. Mom, they gave us hot chocolate today during safety patrol. Mom, I’m the star student next week so we need to make my poster. Mom, can you help me tonight with my Literature project? And then, inevitably on the way home, I’d stop at the convenience store and pick up a 6 pack of Michelob Light. Back in the car, my children’s faces were down, their sweet voices quieted. The cloud of alcoholism had surely infected our family, in unspoken words.
“Pride is the king of vices…it is the first of the pallbearers of the soul…other vices destroy only their opposite virtues, as wantonness destroys chastity; greed destroys temperance; anger destroys gentleness; but pride destroys all virtues.” Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen
I do not miss: 6. Husband’s irritation and worry. At times during my drinking days, Husband would say to me, “Honey, I don’t mind drinking every now and then, going out and having fun with friends, or staying home and drinking. But I can’t do this every night. Maybe just on the weekends?”
“The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church – read on – and give his life for her (Eph. V, 25). This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is – in her own mere nature – lease lovable. For the Church has not beauty but what the Bride-groom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely. The chrism of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man’s marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of a bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence. As Christ sees in the flawed, proud, fanatical or lukewarm Church on earth that Bride who will one day be without spot or wrinkle, and labours to produce the latter, so the husband whose headship is Christ-like (and he is allowed no other sort) never despairs.” CS Lewis, The Four Loves
I do not miss: 7. being separated from God. I think many of us have that “one thing” that blocks us off from the light of God. The more we focus on the thing, rather than on God, the more we separate ourselves from grace. Once I put down the thing I loved and walked away, God was able to enter my life and fill the vacuum left inside of me. And how glorious to be filled in this way!
“Virtue is its own reward, and brings with it the truest and highest pleasure; but if we cultivate it only for pleasure’s sake, we are selfish, not religious, and will never gain the pleasure, because we can never have the virtue.” Cardinal Henry Newman
Love these! And to some extent or another I’m been all of them. I do love your comment “I remember yelling at God telling him free will is a stupid idea!”. LOL! I’ve thought that so many times with not only my alcohol addiction, but many of my other problems in life.
I know, right? What the heck was He thinking with THAT one?
I can relate to most of these points, apart from begging God for help, I just didn’t have God then, not until I had control and just needed the strength to keep moving forward.
i launched a link up at my blog today called sober sundays so go link to it if you feel like it!
I missed last Sunday, but I will definitely check in tomorrow, that means I’ll have to do some thinking between now and then.
Wayne
Should be very easy for you!
I had to laugh at the ‘free will being stupid’ part. Thank you for this. The quotes you shared are beautiful. Cindy
Thank you so much!
Loved all of these. “Free will is a stupid idea!” LOL!!! Have thought the same thing many times. God Bless, SR
This was a great article! I love the paradox you quoted from Augustine” “How high a price we pay for the burden of habit! I am fitted for life here where I do not want to be, I want to live there but am unfit for it, and on both counts I am miserable”
Fits perfectly there.
Thank you!
Thank you for this; it’s painfully honest but filled with so much hope. Even those of us who aren’t alcoholic can relate to these.
Thank you Terry!
By listing the seven things you don’t miss, you give us a glmpse into what life WAS like for you “back then.” We rejoice with you that you are now released from that bondage, and the vacuum in your soul has been gloriously filled! Praise God!
P.S. Thank you for visiting my blog, too. I’m delighted that the recent post about my alcoholic grandfather (transformed by God) was meaningful to you.
I can so relate to what you shared about what you don’t miss. And my heart aches for what your children went through as you shared about your stopping for a 6 pack. I’m so happy for you!!!!
Patricia
Thank you, Patricia! My heart still aches about it too 😦
This blog is a gift to all 12-steppers too. I’ll try to get my sister into blogging. Meanwhile I am sooooo appreciative of your use and comments on my blog. Tomorrow I fly across country but I’ll reconnect later.
Travel safe!
Thanks, Regina, I’m now in Philadelphia where it just started snowing lightly this morning. I’m still trying to figure out this blogging. Right now I’m trying to get Blog 8 “A Last Year in the Secular World” onto Facebook but lost the window for that. Anyway, thanks for reading and know the conflict in my life story will range from great faith to doubting to faith again.
I thing we will always be figuring out this blogging thing! Faith/doubt/faith: Sounds like life to me!
Faith/doubt/faith: sounds like LIFE to me!
your honest, revelations will touch and change all of us
Thank you for your kind words Mother of 9!
just the truth. Your humble revelations pierce through complacency because under all the masks of respectability, we all need a saviour. It just took me nine kids to break through my steel shell
Moms who have 9 kids should get a free pass to heaven.
you are kind
I love that you yelled at God for giving you free will 😉 Congratulations on getting sober.
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