Hate is such a strong word, and I don’t even allow it in my home.  If my children say they hate someone or something, I immediately stop them in their tracks and have them re-phrase their feelings.  To me, hate is everything to do with satan and nothing to do with the light of God.

Yet, as I pondered the title of this post, that was the only word that fit.  I guess I “hate” this person.  I definitely resent the hell out of her and wish her pain and misery for the rest of her life!

Semantics aside, it was suggested to me through the sharing of another at a meeting to read page 552 of the Big Book if there is a resentment that I just can’t get past.  If there is anger I am holding on to, tightly and refuse to or am unable to let go, then do what it says on page 552.  I started this last night.  Can’t say that I feel any better but I will commit to it.  This is what it says:

Page 552, AA Big Book
He said, in effect: “If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person that you resent, you will be free.  If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free.  Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.  Even when you don’t really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway.  Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.”

Last night I prayed that God give her, this woman, everything I want for myself.  This woman, who manipulated my husband (with his consent) back into her life while I was away in treatment. This woman who is also sober and part of the AA fellowship, who selfishly disregarded her friendship with me and who disregarded her program of honesty with herself and within her own marriage in order to capture the love and attention my husband had for her in college.  Yes, this woman.  Last night I prayed God give her continued sobriety, good health, happiness and a peaceful wonderful blessed family and marriage.

I’ll commit to pray for her for 2 weeks.  And if the resentment isn’t lifted by then, then I’ll continue the prayers until she doesn’t haunt my thoughts and steal my peace of mind anymore.